It occurred to me watching Buffy, and in particular some DVD special feature, as Joss Whedon describes Buffy’s relationship with Spike in season 6—some people are bad for us. Or at least, some boys who fall in love with strong, independent, young women are the kind of bad that ruins relationships.
The romantic histories of Buffy, Veronica Mars, and Rory Gilmore (my own personal teen television holy trinity) follow incredibly similar trajectories. Their first loves are sweet, romantic, and end somewhat tragically. They remain friendly, mostly, as if breaking up is not what either of them wanted, but they both know they must. These first boyfriends are often described as reliable, and (for viewers at least) risk ending up kinda boring.
The boys who are bad for our heroines are comparatively dangerous, antagonistic—the perfect counterpoint to each leading lady’s wit. Verbal sparring leads through to passion as the boy develops feelings, falling hopelessly, recklessly in love with our girl. But he’s got issues. He’s a “bad boy” for a reason. No matter how much he loves her, he cannot control his problematic life choices in such a way that would prevent her from leaving him.
Eventually the outcome is the same. Despite knowing that they are loved, these strong, independent, quick-witted young women cannot put up with a boy who poses a threat to her autonomy, and makes her feel like she’s compromising something about herself, just to be around him. So it’s over. For all of them. No begging, proof of love, or devotion can change that (well, except maybe the one).
So what are we to take away? That the men who love us the most passionately and whole-heartedly aren’t right for us? That passion cannot sustain love? That love is great and all, but not worth change, challenge, compromise? Are these the great love stories of our time?
